Been a long time

Amazing that I have not written on this blog in years. I didn't think I still had it. So much has changed. I am now a single mom, living back in China. Jacelynn is 2 years old and my absolute pride and joy. Life has changed so much, I am love my job in China and being single again. I wasn't happy for a long time, but was dealing with it because I didn't want Jace to be raised in a broken home. Jordan ended up making the transition easier, by moving on with another woman. That ended it, I made the choice to move him out. He is now living right down the street in China, and still helps out with watching Jace. I currently work at YCIS, a high end international school. It is by far the best job I have ever had. There is something special about working for a school where the teachers are highly motivated, students are motivated and well behaved. the pay is more than enough. I have a lot to change now, need to get myself healthy, save money, and prepare for Jace and my future. Jace just woke up. We had a wonderful day today at my schools food fair. I ate way too much, want to nap but she is awake. Here is a picture of her from today. She loves to put make up on when I am putting my make up on! The other is my class year book page, that I made! Proud of that. Jace is almost 27 months, talks so much, has the best personality ever.

Update

Been a month and a half..time to write! The adjustment from China to the states has been smooth as freshly shaved legs...Honestly I owe GOD a huge thank you for this. When major changes happen in someones life, it can be a struggle if you think it is going to be, or if it is not meant to happen it doesn't go smoothly. When we were still in China and trying to make the decision to move back or not, I prayed about it and let the decision just happen. I figured if I could get my teaching job back at Dysart, and Jordan could get his job back then it was meant to be..After that happened, things just started flowing. Since I had planned on being in China for a few years, I made our apartment a home, spent lots of money decorating it, which worried me when we decided to move...Even that detail was taken care of! Since we have been home, we have both purchased vehicles, started working (Jordan really since I am on summer break) looked at houses and furniture. Next week I go back to work, I am pretty excited and a little nervous since I am teaching a new grade level.

Next on our agenda is to save for 2 months or one, then find a house. Jordan also needs to find a different job, since his job is slowly declining. Honestly, once we are in a house, with two good jobs, fully furnished, and the house decorated I am going to be in HEAVEN. It is going to take a lot of work, but it is work that I enjoy doing.

As for the pregnancy I love being pregnant. I feel great, and still look great..he he...I have put on about 10lbs, and my belly is still pretty small for being 18 weeks. Next Friday the 6th of August we get to find out the sex. We are SUPER excited. I can NOT WAIT to register for my baby shower and have that in October. This next chapter is going to be such a good change.

My thoughts on life right now....coming back from China has brought a new perspective on home for me. First, I must say that I absolutely love Arizona. I love the sunsets, I love seeing the clouds, I love fresh air, I love the monsoons, and I love love love being with my nieces/nephew and Marley. All 4 of those precious beings make me complete. I can be having a emotional day, then see my nieces/nephew and forget everything. There is something about children that makes me appreciate every breathe. Their innocence and love for the little things in life is what makes this world go around. Before I was pregnant, I can honestly say that I would often wonder why people kept having kids and what the joy was. Not that I don't love children, as I am a teacher but I thought they were expensive, a lot of work, and much more...Well, that has CHANGED dramatically. My father is one that still thinks that way, he will often say he thinks people would be better off not having kids. Don't get me wrong, he loves children as well but they are a TON of work etc...I have now been thinking about how awesome it would be to have 3 or 4 children. I highly doubt I will since we can't afford it financially, but I think about the joys of them growing up together. Having two girls and two boys would be so perfect for ME!

GOD has a plan...I am thankful for everything that is going on in my life. I am thankful for the laws of attraction, being able to create my own reality, and for my family. I will continue posting, and put some pictures up of the baby bump!

HOME is where the HEART is.

Here I am, it is 2am on a Friday night, feels like 4:30pm, wide awake on China time. The travels went unbelievably well..almost too well. We arrived at the airport 3 hours ahead, so we could tackle our elephant size luggage when it was overweight. With 4 extra large bags that were all over weight, we allowed our self enough time to move everything around if we had too. And that we did. We decided to shove everything into one bag, and pay the 200 dollars extra. The suitcase decided it didn't want to have that extra 20lbs, and the zipper busted. After laughter, sweat, and two rolls of wrap, we MADE it. The luggage looked as if we were moving back after a year! The flight attendant was nice, proud that we were engaged (didn't know I was pregnant of course) and gave us the emergency row seating. We lounged out for 10plus hours, watched movies, and enjoyed ourselves. While arriving in SF, we exchanged the last of our RMB, then people watched for hours. It is amazing how the eyes love color after being a in a country of human beings that all look alike. Shapes, sizes, clothing, hair was all a fun sight to see. I even treated myself to a nice pedicure. Who ever was the smart person to put a spa in the airport, has all my love. We made it home, arrived by my lovely mother who kissed my belly and hugged us tightly. Around 3pm, I was greeted my Marley, who was so excited to see his mom and dad.

After a 3 hour nap we headed for a nice dinner of PIZZA and wings with the family. I decided to surprise my niece and nephew with the news of the baby, they were so excited. Not as excited as I was to see them. They are growing so fast, I missed them more then anything. Honestly, I truly moved back for them. I miss going to all their events, seeing their smiles, hearing them laugh, and I am hoping I never have to be away from them again. My brothers and I both are very close, we want our children to be raised together, which makes life so fun.

Tonight we had another wonderful dinner of PIZZA/wings with Jordan's family. His mom is beyond ecstatic for the baby. She has been very supportive, and the bond that her and I are creating is one that I always dreamed of. Jordan lost his dad at a young age, and his mother has been there for him every step of the way. He has her sense of humor, and most definitely learned his respect for women because of her. I love HER. Not to mention she took such good care of Marley while we were gone. I appreciate all she did.

Reality is slowing setting in...After my night of sleep on my marshmallow bed last night, I am going to being getting ready for my next journey of being a mom. I have to mention the bed, since we slept on a bed spring mattress only for 10 months, sleeping on a pillow top mattress was heavenly. I woke up several times thanking god for the bed. I am curious to see how my back holds up, since I have major back issues (knock on wood) and since China my back has been nearly 100%. Wonder how being back to the marshmallow bed will affect it. Hopefully it won't!

I need to start walking daily, eating more greens, make a dr's appt, purchase a vehicle, unpack, and do much more. I am going to keep up this blog, however change it to a pregnancy blog. Please remember to all my readers that whatever is posted in this blog is not meant to be taken serious, and please think of this blog as reading a comic novel of a 30 somethings life. With that said, I had made a comment referring to my family and the wedding, I want to apologize for offending, it wasn't meant to do that.

Life is good. I thank the good man above for my experience in China. I know some people think I have lost it to give up on that, come home and have a baby with how the economy and life is these days. I am not a fan of pessimistic people for one, and for the truth I am completely ready. China was unreal, but having a baby and being with my family comes first. I have traveled, experienced, seen the world for the past 12 years. I want to bring a child into this world that is going to make a difference. I believe I make a difference in the peoples lives I touch. I think that GOD has a plan for all of us, and that life is to precious to think it is hard. It is what you make of it. Our life is like a remote control, we push the buttons. We control the outcome.

I can't wait to read through this blog with my baby when he/she is grown up. We started a journal that is to the baby. It is interesting to write to a child that is not born yet!

Until next time, LOVES.

Almost time to head back!

Life in China is about to be overcome with a brand new adventure. Those of you that know me well, know what that is! While I will most likely be signing off the blogger, since I rarely have time to update it now. I will take some time to blog about my overall experience. It is ended with a sweet taste in my mouth, it is not ending, but more of a "see you in the future." While this experience has taught me more then I have ever learned, I don't feel my overseas teaching/traveling is quite over. I definitely do think that I had to move away to appreciate how good I had it back home. And I am reminded of how that works weekly by the emails I get saying, "You sure you want to come back to this mundane lifestyle?" Those that have never left don't realize how good we have it back home. This adventure of living in China for the past 10 months has been challenging, but rewarding. I will miss the good people I met, the quality educators, the locals that make sure we have what we need, my tuk tuk driver, the shop owners on the corner, the ayi's, and so much more. I am so excited but scared shitless to start out this next adventure as a mother and a wife.

As for the wedding, we still are unsure. Since we are doing this the non-traditional way of baby before marriage (and yes it was planned) we don't know how to make it work just yet. And why you wonder? Well the short version is my brother is out of state all summer and can't come back, I don't really want to have a wedding when I am blown up like a balloon, and then there is the family issues. The haunted black cloud that never will go away due to DIVORCE. he he. Jordan's family is simple, there is only 3 of them. With mine you have the dad/stepmom who pretend to want to take part but really want me to elope. And the mom/stepdad who want the traditional nice wedding with everyone there, meanwhile there is me who really is afraid to get married and thinks that I would rather take everything I am worth and put it on black. Isn't that the same odds? Nah, I am kidding. I just don't want a day spent in a room full of family I rarely talk too. My dad rarely speaks to his family, my mom to hers, and then you put my mom and step together and WHOOO party~! I am kidding. They totally are two civil individuals that don't mind being together. So no offense taken. We are praying about it now, I just want the baby and Jordan and can't wait to be back home~ Marley will be a part of our happy family, and we have kept it a surprise to Ry, Cal, and Zan so they will be super shocked.

So much more to write but must go on my daily walks...Trying to only gain 100lbs this pregnancy and not 200.

Our vacation spot during spring break, Sanya, China
My sixth graders on our field trip, and below our scooter we purchased.
Jordan making dinner for us! He cooks during the week, Love that man.

April 2010 (wrote quickly disregard errors)

Recent Thoughts. Been a while.

Spring break was exactly what I wanted it to be. Not a long flight, English TV (Only two channels), good food, SUN, pool, beach, not crowded, laughs, not much partying, sleep, no computer, no clock but a scale in the room OVER THAT, who needs to worry about weight on a trip, we do that year around. We had a wonderful week, realized it takes me a few days to finally relax. To not think about home or worries. The pool was by far the best, it was right out of our door and they had a volleyball net and basketball hoop. Jordan and I played for hours, free entertainment is always great. I ate and ate and ate, I found out I love grilled chili's and corn. Good stuff. It was nice being with my best friend, laughing for hours, talking, and doing nothing. The TV only had two English channels, Natgeo and Starmovies. You would've been shocked to see how we were glued to that. Not having TV in China makes you miss it, even though at home I rarely was able to watch a show. We had a wonderful time, thanks to the man above for providing us with option to afford a nice week off.

What else...Quick thoughts that have been running through my mind:

My dad was in Mongolia for work these last 15 days. It was honestly a very very hard time for me. For some reason I couldn't sleep knowing he was so close and he couldn't sleep. His conditions were not good, and his health was a little off due to poor conditions. I felt it odd that I was so affected, but it was most likely due to the fact that he was so close. I prayed that he would come and do a surprise visit, but didn't happen. :( Very sad, but I don't make all the efforts to see him in his city when I am home. I miss and love that man so much. Takes a lot of courage to travel like he does.

I love my job. I honestly am questioning if I can ever back to public education in the states. A teacher friend just sent me an email today that she received from the head of the union. It said that the average teacher salary for 08/09 was $50,000, and the salary for 09/10 was $43,000. It makes me literally sick to think what they are doing to education in Arizona. How the hell do they think they are going to keep good quality teachers with continue cuts in pay? I was SO embarrassed a few weeks back when my students here did a project on the states. They had to look at how each state is ranked in education. Arizona was 50. They asked me why, I couldn't answer them. I have my theories but really why? If it wasn't for my family/friends there I would not go back to raise my own children. In fact if Jordan was on board with teaching internationally (he is not) I would raise my kids internationally. I would be honored to be able to send them with these type of students. They are well behaved, studious, intelligent, respectful, know several languages and just do things the right way. They make teaching literally SIMPLE. All I can do is pray for AZ. ...I have so many friends that are educators that just feel helpless. We chose this career to educate the youth of our country, and instead we get NOTHING in return. All it is doing is harming the kids. I think every teacher should go on strike, what would they do then. Jumped down off my soapbox..

Quick notes:

It rains almost daily in Shanghai. I love it.

Weather is finally changing.

I ride a boxed in cart on a bike with a driver every day to work, cost me 10rmb. 1.10$ in USA money. I don't have to take the tuk tuk, I could taxi it but the driver sits out front of my apt and works at least 10 hours each day. I feel that I am helping him out. I sometimes slip him extra cash, makes me feel good.

Last night we got our groceries, stood on the curb and could not find a taxi for the life of us. A random guy with a van (illegal taxi) stopped to give us a ride. I wasn't afraid one bit, jumped right in. He wouldn't stop for 20 minutes trying to get more money. I said NO. He dropped it, it was a nice ride. This is why I love living abroad. Everything isn't simple. I like the adventure.

I am getting totally over facebook. I am over when people put stuff about "Going to work out" or "My dog pooped." lol. Who cares about their daily tasks. I know that might offend but whatever. I wouldn't participate in facebook but helps with my boredom and keeping in touch. Also, why does one person use the word "besties" then it seems everyone does. UGH. Annoying. Just my thoughts....

I have learned that I hate, absolutely hate how alcohol makes me feel the next day. My mind automatically does a scale when I first wake up. "How bad is it, oh wow, that wine really pulled those veins out of my forehead." But I thank GOD for giving me hangovers...

I think children are the best, the absolute kindness to the world but I am afraid of having my own. I will though someday.

I want to give all the praise in the world to couples that make it work in marriage.

Also couples who:

talk to each other with respect

couples that are proactive about making it work

who think staying healthy and eating right is important for not only them but their children as well

stay together and plan on staying together, don't even think divorce is ever an option

attend church, have their children attend youth groups.

attend couples retreats

have family dinner at the table without the tv

limit their kids time with technology ALL TECH

encourage playing sports

save money for their children's education

do family exercise in the evenings, go on walks etc

teach their children how to be individuals

teach their children that education is extremely important

never stop learning about life

go to the dentist and take their kids, oh and get their KIDS BRACES LOL LOL had to put that

I love this blog, I can write whatever I WANT!!! If I offend you I am not sorry, these are my thoughts and my thoughts only. It is what I really think about life. I am BY FAR not perfect, and always open to other peoples opinions.

My students have their very own MAC laptops, I used to love it but now I think it is a bad idea. I have students that NEVER do anything else. What happened to playing outside with friends?

What else can I babble about today..

I love hot tea

I love hot green tea, cold green tea, and love that it is SO GOOD FOR YOU

I miss having an oven and a barbecue grill so much

I miss having a car, the freedom of having a car, the radio, the lights, driving at night in the rain

I used to love riding in the car at night with my parents

I lately have been very bothered that my parents got divorced

I think kids should be educated in middle school about drugs and addiction and sex (not international kids though, junior year for them they are way behind)

I love to cook

I love to shop

I love to watch movies at home

I love my computer

I would marry it if I could

I miss my dog so much it makes me feel like a bad mother

I am for leaving him

I want to travel the world

I wish I would've came overseas years ago

I am pissed I bought a house and make some poor financial decisions

You must forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes

I love the word and

I love to combine two sentences with the word and

I think I think to much.

My new addiction is a healthy one, it is downloading movies...So nice!

Until next time, exercise, love, pray, eat right, and pray for AZ more !!!! HA HA.

Kids these days....Or should I say parents these days?

Getting through parent teacher conferences and the parents number one complaint? How do I get my child to not be on the computer for 7 hours a night? Are you KIDDING ME? Are you not the parent? Pretty simple, they get it when they get home to complete homework, then you ask them to see their work, THEN THEY PUT IT AWAY. How hard is that? This discussion brings up so many raw emotions though..It really does. As a teacher for 8 YEARS I have pretty much seen it all.

First, why do kids not like to play outside anymore? I am pretty much generalizing here, forgive me. I do know millions of kids are still like I was when I was younger. They stay active, fit, involved in after school activities etc...But with the all the mindless activities such as video games, computers etc, a PARENT must limit a child's time on them. When I was young, we couldn't wait to come home and play with the kids in the neighborhood. We would come home, get a snack (Only allowed one a day and it was healthy), do our homework (Which had to be left on the table for parents to check) and out to play... We then played until we heard, "MIKE, STACY TIME FOR DINNER." We would then rush home, yelling as we salivated thinking of moms home cooked meal, wash our hands to sit down for an actual family dinner. Started by a typical prayer, the TV must be off we ate. It was bonding time, we all talked, talked about our day, and ate. We ate a cooked meal that was taken directly off the food pyramid. Meat, vegetable, carb and no soda..MILK. We had to eat correctly, if not we were warned once...Then off to eat outside with the dogs. I am not kidding either. Ask Mike, he did this often. After our nightly family bonding we had to ask to be excused, clear OUR plate then we were back outside. Playing until we got the call again, then it was shower, check homework and bed. At 8:30. Not another snack, not computer time, BED. My parents didn't give us options, they told us what to do and we did it. Simple as that. We all received good grades, we didn't disrespect and if we did we got the belt. Literally got the belt. So, why does it irk me when parents ask ME THEIR KIDS teacher how to get them off the computer? Come on now....

I do have to say that working with these parents has been heaven compared to back home. Computer time is minor compared to what I encountered back home, but we won't get into that. I could write 15 pages about parents that should have never considered breeding...lol...

I feel that I was raised very well. I have done well for myself, and that is because I have parents that set boundaries. Kids need structure, discipline and routine. Without that you will create a monster. And I have seen teenagers that were monsters...If you don't want that you put your foot down when they are young. I see parents that discipline right away, don't let their kids get away with anything, and their kids are wonderful to be around. Then I see parents that let their kids get away with murder and think it is funny. Lets see if they are laughing when the kid is 15. All 3 kids in my family also have college educations. Not to brag, but I think that is pretty darn good. Why do we all have educations? It wasn't an option to not go to college. It wasn't an option to take a year off. Did my parents pay for our educations? Hell no, they didn't even offer. It was just known that we will go to college, and pay for it. UGH they could've at least helped! HA HA. I made it though, no regrets. They could pay my student loans though. :)

I also had a parent yesterday that needed to talk to me without her daughter. I have noticed this girl (Chinese decent but from Michigan) has been distant, withdrawn and not turning everything in. Turns out parents are getting a divorce. That is HUGE for around here. Out of a couple 100 students we maybe have 2 or 3 parents that are divorced. In the states I had 25 out of 30 of my kids with divorced parents. I won't start on this topic, since my parents are divorced, it totally screws up the ENTIRE family and forever, not just for a short time. This mom was so upset, as she should be. It broke my heart. I was thinking about being 12 and my parents getting divorced. It is tough, very very tough. My heart goes out to them. I wouldn't wish that on any kid or adult, and I think classes should be mandatory for adults to take before they get married. During marriage, and before they are allowed to have a child. They should also drug test, check proof of income, check for stupidity, and only allow people to have 2 kids. If they want more they must show proof of income that demonstrates they can afford that child, afford for them to participate in activities, and they DO NOT offer extra financial help unless a woman or man is disabled, NOT able to work.

Wow, could you imagine if I was president? America is to far gone to change any of this now, no turning back so just HOLD ON with two hands!!! HA HA. I know I might come off as bitter towards America, that isn't right. That is my home, and I am proud to be an American. It is my occupation that has taught me to take the blinders off. Teaching in an international school setting, where every child is from a different country has taught me so much I can't even write enough. Being in a classroom with so many different cultures is unreal. We all look different, speak differently, eat differently, but not one kid sees color. When reading Maniac Magee they had no clue about gangs or discrimination. These kids are 3rd culture kids. They all know several languages and have traveled the world. They are very very fortunate. So am I to be able to experience this. Honestly, I don't think I will be able to go back to the public school setting, even though I know those kids needs good teachers. But the state doesn't give a shit, why should teachers? No raise, more kids in the classroom, no PE? Are you kidding? America has the largest obesity rate of any country in the world. And they don't make them do PE everyday?

Last comment, China doesn't even have ranch. Even the western restaurants don't serve ranch. Yet my school I worked at back home had it in a large jug with a PUMP. They served pizza everyday. In China we get it at school once a MONTH. No wonder we have a problem with obesity back home.....They should serve Paleo at school, kids would be more energetic, happier, less health problems, autistic kids would see a huge difference..wow...

Ok, I am going to jump down off my soap box and eat some ranch and play on my computer for 10 hours.

LOVES

March already?

Amazing how fast time goes when you are having fun. March already. My adventure in China continues to be fun, and I love it more each day. Having Jordan here makes like so much better. Have your best friend always around is the way to live. Life has been good. We have been so busy that we haven't had much time to explore, but spring break is right around the corner. We are headed to a city in southern China that is tropical. It is a beach city, and seems from what I have read to have lots of history. We are looking forward to it. Weekends are spent getting caught up on work, sleeping in, a few good dinners and rest. We have watched a MILLION movies. I must say I can't wait to come home this summer and have TV. I miss it. Not really miss the shows, just the back ground noise.

We signed up for a marathon on the Great Wall in May. Also doing an 8k this Sunday. Trust me, I am not a runner but when you have nothing else to do you might as well right? Married life is way different for me. The late nights have stopped, and so have the hangovers! :) I love that part. I actually haven't had a single drink in 30 days! Pretty impressed..

Last night was St. Patty's day. I wanted to go have some green beer, but went for a run instead. Talk soon.

What I Love.

Jordan is coming back from Toronto in one hour, and I can't wait...I need to write...Funny that I have written in a journal since I was 10, but a blog is now it...and yet everyone can read it? Is that okay? Yes it is, it is real life...

So what do I love...

First, life in China with Jordan hasn't been perfect. Moving in with someone in a foreign country isn't easy of course, not to mention it is our first time ever living together but GOD is good. He got this job of being an international courier, it isn't ideal, but it got him away for the weekend, it is money, it is saving us a ton since we don't have to leave the country every 60 days so he doesn't get deported so yes, IT IS GOOD. When he left on Friday night I was a freaking wreck. And I hate that word. I prayed about it. It turned out to be the best thing ever...He realized we were being stupid about little shit, and I can't wait for him to be home...

Ok, What do I love..For some reason I want to talk about what I love.

1. I love that fact that in China everything in delivered. The Asians go out of their way to make us happy. Today I was out of water. I called my local SCIS (where I work) the man the takes care of the expats and said I was out of water. I had water in 10 minutes.

2. I love the fact God is good.

3. I love the fact that if you live your life right, and (laws of attraction) you think something right good things will come.

4. I love good people.

5. I love Jordan

6. I love that I can call my mom and even though she thinks I am in the wrong she makes me feel better.

7. I love my apartment. Jordan met me after work on Friday to walk home. I had to show him the plighted areas that I go through on my way home. They do not have indoor plumbing. As we were looking, we realized there where open holes, we looked in and it was feces. NOT kidding, the stuff just goes under the ground (well not really) and gets drained in this water. And this water is used for everything. I have seen people boil it in the morning to cook, I have seen people fish.....You don't think about the fact that you can wake up in the morning, turn on the heat, use your bathroom and you don't think how hard people have it. I love that we have it good. When I took this job it was considered a HARD post. A hard post means it is tough to survive. To be honest this is easy. I have a great home, I have a great job, I don't want to know what hard post means...But can you imagine?

8. I love the fact that America gives so much opportunity. China doesn't work on credit. I haven't used a credit card since I have been here. You even pay your gas ahead of time with cash. you don't have the money you don't get it.

9. I love where I came from. My goal now is to stop being envious of my friends back home that have these beautiful homes, husbands that make a lot of money, driving fat cars, I want to stop being envious of that. I don't need all that, money isn't what matters. I just want to be happy. I don't need a big home, I just want a small home with a happy family. I want to take time to be thankful for what I have and to realize that life isn't easy. We will all go through our hard times.

10. Most of all I love GOD. I know many of you don't believe, it might be a higher power, or just believe in laws of attraction, luck or whatever, but no matter what life is short. It is about making the most of what you have, giving back to the people that don't have much.

11. Ok, let me get off my high horse. Doing a marathon on the Great Wall in Beijing in May, anybody is welcome. I MEAN anybody. Come along....It will be a time NOBODY will ever forget.

2 weeks already?

Saturday morning here, 7:30AM, why am I awake. I find it humorous that all week I hate waking up early. I think I say every morning, "I can't wait to sleep in this weekend." Then the weekend comes and my alarm clock that is built into my head has me get up at the SAME damn time I would during the week....over that...I am up now, would love some pancakes or even a nice bowl of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. Or maybe Fruity Pebbles. I like how I mention my two favorite cereals, even if I never ever bought them back home. I wouldn't buy them since eating 500 calories for breakfast is a waste, I would rather save them for a nice dinner of mozzarella sticks and a chicken sandwich. Can you tell I am hungry? LOL.

On the real side I figured I would write since it has been two weeks of being back home. This past week was beyond wonderful. Jordan and I finally are getting in the groove of living together. Not that it was a hard groove to get, but it was. HA HA. This past week we made the most of it. Went out Wednesday night to meet up with Kelsey, had a fabulous Thai dinner in the French Concession. The French Concession is the part of town that is full of discrete alley ways, unique shops and restaurants, and character. The weather was finally being our friend, it was 65 degrees for two days. It is back to 10 below now. Thursday morning we slept in, then went to the Emerald market. The Emerald is a community across the street from me that has beautiful homes for other westerners like myself. But wealthy ones! lol. On Thursday mornings they have a market for the expats, with products we like. Good wine, meats that are not just thrown on the table after slicing them off a pig, organic fruits, teas, movies, books, magazines, breads, seafood etc....I got Jordan up to go with me so he could bring the stuff back. We jumped in a taxi, I sat in front. The man was so flabbergasted he didn't know what to do. I think it was my perfume, he couldn't really focus on driving. He had to do a u-turn, and barely could do that. He kept looking at me, I thought he was going to faint. He did the turn, didn't make it and had to back up, meanwhile there is on going traffic, he hits a bus...the bus driver was NOT happy... got out, it was a big ordeal so we ended up walking to the market. This is turning into a long story, but my point was how adorable Jordan looked walked back with fresh flowers and shopping bags! I had to get another taxi to work. Good times...I love that man.

Alright, my stomach is eating itself, I must eat.....

Stay happy..

A new day to a great year ahead...

So, after my weekend of a huge pity party, I am a new person this morning. Why is it sometimes we just need to be allowed to feel weak? Sometimes just to let that guard down and show that we need support at times...and boy, did I ever do THAT! Today is a new day though, I woke up with a nice headache from too much wine (made me feel better though) and headed for a new start... My body is still about 50%, not that the wine didn't set me back a bit, but hydrating today and instead of getting my free Monday latte, I went with the detox juice. LOL.

3 liters of water, one detox juice and some great chow mien from then neighborhood Chinese shop and I am good to go...I am going to open these eyes a bit wider, realize that without a clean mind, body and soul it is tough to get ahead. I truly think I panicked this weekend, I was overwhelmed with everything. Engagement, him moving to China, me being the one that has to support both of us etc... It hit me, boy did it hit me. I do realize that throughout this though that it is going to have its rough times, and through those we have to turn to the man above. After all, this old dog has some changing to do...I can't just go out shopping whenever I want? You mean dropping a grand to fly to Bali first class is bad? HA HA. Oh boy, poor Jordan...

At least I can laugh about it now...Sometimes you just have to put your pants back on, doing some writing, pick your head up off that pillow and face the world. Johnson's don't hide for long....

Until next time, keep you head up. We could be experiencing what the people in Haiti are dealing with. Sad times over there, prayers are with them!

Back to Reality

Oh where do I begin...First, it is Sunday morning here in wonderful sunless China and I am struggling. I never thought coming back to China would be this hard. Why is it? And why when I have my new fiance with me is it even harder? I heard from several teachers before I left to not go home for the holidays, they said it over and over, "The homesickness you will feel when you get back will be like no other." I even recall asking a teacher the day I got back if he went home, his exact response was, "I learned a long time ago to not go home for the holidays." But how do you not go home? That is a tough situation, I still will go home next year, however I will prepare myself for the solid wall that slaps you right in the face when you board the plane and the flight attendant is speaking Chinese before English...

Ok. so with that, yes, I am hurting. Not only do I have the infamous China belly AGAIN, but I am weak, tired, sick and don't want to get out of bed. After calling my mom, dad and brother yesterday morning, I felt better. Something about sobbing on the phone to your mom that makes everything okay! I know what it is...the first few months I was here it was all so new. There was so much to do, stuff to figure out, and the alone time was great since I hadn't had it in so long...Then you go home and see the sun, feel the 75degree weather, (I EVEN LAID BY THE POOL) and you hear English, the familiarities of home...food, laughs, driving, no horns, oh and grocery shopping! I wanted to live at the grocery store. The first week home I went and bought all my favorite goodies, even bought a fresh loaf of french bread! Anyways, as I push myself back into a hole just talking about home, you come back to you new home and realize it isn't the same. Life isn't easy here, but wasn't that the reason I did this? Before I went home I had grown to like the simple life that I was living in China, I liked not being pulled in a million directions by everyone, I liked my financial freedom, I liked how I was respected as a teacher, and much more...now I just have to find that again...

I will be just fine, life is how you make it right? Jordan is asleep right now, poor man was up at 5:30AM to listen to the Card's game on the Internet. He couldn't even watch it! It has been going well with him here, he is such a good man. He goes out of his way to make sure I am fine, as I do for him. We went on a few adventures the first weekend, then this storm hit me and we stayed in all weekend...I will take him out soon though to figure out how life works here. My trip back home was amazing, I can't wait to do it again. Now it is time to get my head together, look forward to the new beginnings in 2010, put the past behind, and create some new memories.

2010 brings about:

Marriage

More travels

Financial Freedom

Working to create a balance (mind & body & soul)

Learning not be to so selfish

Making China our new home (for the time being)

Loving LIFE

Until next time, Stacy

Trip so far..

It is 3 in the morning, going on day 4 of being in the USA, jet lag should be improving but it isn't. I should've known that I would struggle with it, since I am such a sensitive sleeper. It is okay, jet lag is worth seeing everyone and being here.

Everyone is asking about the engagement and the ring, I would be happy to talk about it. lol. I am so excited, never been happier. I truly didn't think I would ever get married. I love looking back, reading my past journals of how my thoughts on marriage have changed. In my goal book, (a book I started when I was 18) I wrote the following: New car by 18, bachelor's degree by 22, marriage by 24, first baby by 26. CAN you believe that! That didn't work as planned, but I am happy with how my life has worked out. I was really never single until 27, then when I became single I went a few years thinking marriage was a big joke. I wasn't around many couples who I can actually say are happy. In fact I think I could count them on one hand. So why would anybody want to get married? And the fact of it ever coming to an end would be just devastating.

Ok, I am getting off track. My whole point is how I progressed through the years while I was maturing myself. I truly know why people want to get married. Why they want to take their relationship to another level. The love I have for Jordan is so deep, it hurts at times. I lay in bed looking at him, thanking GOD for him. I even miss him when he is laying next to me. It is so nice to have someone you can spend every waking hour with, and want more. I love how we were friends first, and we have a good story to how we met and got together. Can you tell I am in love!

Engagement: Well, we both knew we were going to be getting engaged. We designed the ring together. We decided to do this while I was in China. Not sure how exactly, just started talking about rings, and it fell into place. He spent hours shopping, he would send me pictures, but there was never one perfect ring that we both fell in love with. It was important for me that he chose it, so the process started. We found a website that designs the style I like, vintage. After a few weeks, it was ready. Jordan wouldn't let me see it of course, he actually said if I asked one more time I wouldn't get it!

Finally, the arrival time came at the airport. I made him promise me that he wouldn't propose there, since my emotions were so brittle I don't think I could've handled it. I seriously would've curled up in a little ball and sobbed. After flying for 15 hours, not sleeping for 24, anticipation of seeing everyone, I didn't want this big scene. He showed up at that airport with a dozen roses, my dog, and a bottle of wine! After some long awaited kisses and tears, we headed home. He took me to the Wigwam Resort, one of my favorite places to stay. We had the Litchfield Suite (Huge two bedroom suite with a bar and fireplace). We walked in to rose pedals every where, fire lit, champagne, the WORKS. We ended up walking straight to the bed, I laid down, took a deep breath and said thank you to him. We were kissing and I wanted him to take his dress shirt off. (He hates dressing up). He said no, said he had something to take care of. Got down on one knee, tears were flowing (me), then he said it! I hugged him and of course said yes. The ring is absolutely beautiful! I will post a picture. We spent the next two days at the resort. I slept mainly, he relaxed.

SO, with all that said, my first few days home have been amazing. Sunday I did have a bit of sensory overload. You get used to not seeing much color, used to not being able to communicate or listen to strangers since they don't speak our language, so it can be a little overwhelming at times. However, I am enjoying the fresh air, sunlight, good food, and so much more. I will blog about my true feelings about the entire trip when I get back. Jordan moves with me! We leave January 6th. Going to enjoy each and every moment of my time here, since it will fly by.

Merry Christmas

3 MORE DAYS!~

3 more sleeps until:

-See the man I love (4 months and 19 days has brought us closer then ever, and to be honest it has been easy. The first few weeks I would say I had tears every time we talked on Skype) Being apart from someone for this long makes you learn so much more about them. We spent endless hours, I mean 4 to 5 hours every Sunday, 2 hours everyday at least, looking at eachother on a computer screen. We laughed, cried, loved, told stories, played games, shopped, it was fabulous. We made sacrifices like not going out on weekends so we could talk, and the POOR man even woke up at 4:30AM before work to talk with me for 2 hours? I love him...

-See my precious dog...Marley, my Boston Terrier has also been the hardest to leave, Jordan has been a good dad though, his mom loves him to death as well, she will be the proud grandmother who gets to keep him while we are gone the next 5 months. (my mom doesn't want him:() lol.

-See my family. I miss my nieces and nephew so much it hurts. Amazing how you can love children so deeply it really pains you. Of course I miss my other family and friends as well, but they all have their own lives so it hasn't hurt so much.

-See the sunlight with fresh air.

-Drive a car, I miss the freedom more then you know. Just to be able to go at my own will is going to be great.

-Not have to carry an umbrella, carry cards for each location with Chinese addresses (You give them to the driver since you can't speak the language, which takes time, you have to plan ahead when you are going or else he will make you GET OUT).

-Not wear a scarf (Is there a point to wearing them? I wear them daily but they don't do much for me).

-Eat GOOD FOOD. By good I mean unhealthy but sometimes you have to splurge. I miss ranch, pizza, wings, silverware, ice, Italian, Mexican, good sandwiches, bread, skim MILK!

-No more horns and lawful drivers! WOW.

It will only be 2.5 short weeks but I will relish every moment of it...Then my man is moving back with me! WOW>

I do love it here, don't get me wrong, but home is where the heart IS.

OH! Today was our first day of finals. I am truly liking being a part of the high school instead of a K-8. Here they have 6-12. They make finals pretty intense here, we had to write out our exams, submit them to the admin for approval, then start today. They designate two hour time periods for each subject with silent studying in between. I only teach LA/SS so I have plenty of down time to finalize my grades before Friday. The students are placed in the cafeteria, each chair has a different color, and nobody from the same grade level sits near each other. When a student is complete, they must stay in their seat. It was INTENSE, however a great learning experience for me and my little 6th graders. They are getting what it feels like to be in a more rigorous environment. Majority of them want to go to the college in the US so this is perfect. This year we have seniors going to MIT, Harvard and a few other elite schools. I am loving the education system here, international schools are the way to go. If I could I would raise my kids in this type of setting. It is actually very popular, the kids are called, "Third culture kids." Only GOD knows right?

Until next time, smile.

My first stint in China is about to come to an end! In 6 days I will be boarding the plane and heading home for 3 weeks. This also ends my single journey in China, since Jordan will be coming back with me. I am grateful he has decided to come along, it will bring new adventures. Life has been flowing lately, almost to quick. I want it to go by quickly so I can get home, but sometimes it is good to stop, take a deep breath and look at life.

I am still loving that I am in China. The weather hasn't been to bad, rain here and there and about 40 degrees. I would say that I miss the freedom of having a car the most. To be able to go when you please, not hail a cab would be so nice...Maybe I can driver while I am back next week.

6 more DAYS and home.

Quick list of what I have learned so far while in China:

1. International schools are unique, higher level and interesting to work for. Being in a classroom with kids from all over the world, different home languages, different cultures is unreal.

2. Working with teachers from all over the world is also great, you lean new things everyday.

3. The money that some people have is unreal. How do people afford 30grand per student, some families have 4 kids in our school.

4. The pollution in Shanghai needs attention ASAP.

5. Chinese people have long nails (MEN), love tea, work hard, cook with strange ingredients, talk funny, smack, interested in the western culture, walk a lot, only are allowed to have one kid, have their parents live with them, squat (men), love fireworks (scare off evil spirits).

6. Not knowing a language yet being immersed in it can make you feel very isolated at times.

7. Live in the moment, think about the future, don't dwell on the past.

8. I love having two maids, no bills and treated like a real educator for once.

9. I love Jordan more then anything in this world, be away from someone for 4 months and 19 days really makes your learn about a person.

10. I don't like China in general, kind of thinking of Switzerland next. This overseas gig has opened up a whole new door in my life, I wish I would've started this when I was younger!

I believe that love:

Love

• Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
• Wants to serve the other person; selfless
• Still spends time with others
• Takes time to build the relationship
• Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
• Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
• Encompasses a long-term commitment
• Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
• Fights are less serious and less often
• Disagreements can strengthen the relationship

True Love

It is Saturday night, November 28th. Feel like writing about my recent thoughts on love...

True Love: I have to admit, at 31 I finally know what true love is. I will admit I threw that word around in the past way to easily. I wanted real love for years, I used to pray every time I would go through the tunnel on the I-10 to find a man, I would pray at night for God to give me a man that would be my best friend, love me forever. I used to date all the time, I was never even really single until I was 27. I tried everything internet, friends, parents hooking me up, and every man I ever dated I had doubts about. There was always something wrong. I used to think it was okay that they didn't show they loved me, or it was okay that we couldn't talk on the phone, or it was okay that I never invited them to hang out with my friends. I once dated a man that for an entire year never paid me one compliment. I used to think this was okay. I would justify men's behavior if they had money, or if they bought me dinner, or more...

Then I kissed Jordan for the first time on my 30th birthday. Jordan being 2o at the time, and Joel's best friend I was pissed at myself. But I felt something when our lips touched. After that kiss our lives went in separate paths. A few months later we reunited, just to hang out as friends. In the past years Jordan would tell Joel he would marry me someday, he would tell me when he would see me that I would someday be with him and have his baby, I would always laugh it off and think, "What a kid." We talked last summer, he would come over to hang out for a few hours then go home. I would always be sad when he would leave, wish inside that he would come back. He never would. I never told anyone that we talked last summer, I was to embarrassed because of his age. I was worried that people would think I was using him, or think I couldn't find anybody my own age.

In August he left to back to school. In my mind I was happy, since I really liked him. After he left we would talk on the phone daily. He would tell me he missed me, he never missed a day texting me saying good morning, or goodnight. After a month or so of this I was seeing someone else and sent him a text saying we didn't need to talk everyday. He was devastated and we stopped talking. I was okay with this as I was dating a firefighter that really could care less about me, but he was good company. In December Jordan came back home for the holiday. One night I was sound asleep at 4am and Jordan walked in my bedroom. He had his Afro then and scared the life out of me. I woke up to him standing over me. I ended up getting up, after my heart rate slowed and chatted with him. He said he just had to see me, and left after 10 minutes. Joel was outside livid. He was so upset that Jordan found a key under my mat (meant to be)! On December 12th, our now anniversary Joel had a graduation party. I remember Jordan walking into the party and my heart stopped. He looked so GOOD. His hair was cut, he had a new outfit on, and I was in AWE. His mom spent a good 10 minutes telling me that night how much Jordan loved me, I was tickled. Later that night, we ended up kissing, and it was over!!!!!!! After that night we started spending days together. Never intimate, just getting to know each other. I couldn't get enough of him. I invited him up to the cabin for the weekend, that is when I feel in love. He never tried to sleep with me, we just spent hours and hours talking and laughing. That is what true love is. When you can't get enough of someone, you don't have moments where you are searching for something to say, which I never have felt before.

Every man I have ever been with something has been missing. I always put a mans career first, what they had, how they would be able to care for me, and that is not what love is about. Jordan and I continued to date, and on February 14th I flew to San Fransisco for a job fair. I have always wanted to teach overseas, I wasn't going to let love hold me back. I took the job in China, not even thinking about leaving this new man that I adored.

I left for China of July 31st, 2009. Jordan, hesitantly took me to the airport. We didn't talk about our future, what was going to become of it, I just left. In my heart I didn't know what was going to happen. If I would leave and we slowly just faded, or if we would still talk. Now, I come home in 21 days and we have never been closer. We spend hours and hours on Skype. Last night was Friday night, we talked for over 4 hours. We laugh, tell stories. He even loves telling me a goodnight story before bed. This is true love. Jordan is one man that makes me want to be a better person. He is 10 years younger, which at first scared me, but now it is the best part of him. He doesn't have any expectations of how I should be, instead he loves me even during my faults. He looks at life differently then most. He never ever has something to negative to say about anyone or any situation. During my hard times in China when I am have issues adjusting or missing him, he makes me feel better. If I am talking negatively about something, he always makes me feel better about the situation. We rarely fight, if we do we always come out strong and discuss how we could avoid having the same issue again in the future. He has a love for God that continues to astonish me. I would have never thought this in the past. When I am down he prays with me. He actually will say the prayer at my family dinner when he is not even part of it yet.

With all this said, I pray that everyone has the time to find true love in their life. True love is when they love you without make up on, they love you when you are sick, they love you when you are at your worst. True love is when they are your best friend and you do not need anyone else to make you happy. I have finally realized why people do want to get married. For years I have questioned why people get married when the divorce rate is over 50%. Sometimes I stop and just thank GOD for letting me find this at 31. For letting me spend my last 4 years dating the wrong people. I also believe that it is very important that you are happy with yourself in order to have a successful relationship. I am very glad that I have experienced some really bad relationships, it makes me more appreciative of what is it to have a good relationship. I know so many miserable married people, it makes me sad:(

I made a promise to myself, God and Jordan that I will never stop loving him. I will always treat him with respect, never belittle, and never be a women that tries to control their man. I can't stand it when a man or a women treats their loved one with disrespect, or says negative things to them. I am a child of divorce and I realize how hard divorce is on children. I honestly know that is why I have had trouble letting a man in to get to know the real me. I really think that is why in the past I used to say I only like the 'honeymoon phase' of relationships. I have had a fear of what happens when a man stops loving you, all because my parents divorced at 12 and it was adjust to having divorced parents.

I am SO thankful that I had the privilege of finding Jordan. I love it even more that my brothers love him. He is going to make a great new part of our family! He continues to amaze me daily with how he thinks and how he lives his life. We are going to make a great couple and have a wonderful family someday.

I have heard for years that when you he is the one you will just know, it is true. To all my friends out there that are still searching, stop. You will find it one day, and you will just KNOW. True love is something to fight for, to never ever give up on. Don't rush it, don't try and make it happen, don't ever have someone in your life that doesn't make you feel special ever single day you are with them.

As you can tell I am crazy about him... I miss him so much it hurts. Spending 4 months and 19 days away from the person you love isn't easy, but we made it, not only made it but are stronger then ever. Only 21 days left!!! I know God had this all planned. With me leaving I have had time to get to know myself in ways I have never thought. I can't wait to have him with me on this journey.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
—I Corinthians 13:4-8a